Family

Family can be loving and supportive. They can have your back when you need them. Or they can only be around only when it's convenient for them. You know, as long as they're benefiting.

Another one bites the dust

I was liistening to the Wesley Snipes interview on the Tom Joyner Morning Show. I try not to judge others, especially not based on what's reported by the media. Let's just say his interview still has me in shock.

Meeting with the Teacher

I spoke to my daughter's teacher this morning. I don't like her personality. She's a great teacher, but her personality leaves a lot to be desired. But I'm OK with that. As long as my daughter is learning and not mistreated, we won't have a problem. At one point during our meeting, I pointed out to her why my daughter has a difficult time telling her things, because of how she comes off. She has a rough, abrupt type attitude. While that may work in the world, it doesn't do much in the classroom. It doesn't foster a warm, caring envionment, although she cares for her students. She just needs to learn how to show it.
 
Long story short, my daughter  wasn't speaking up for herself. She didn't tell the teacher she was making silly faces, so the teacher assumed she was making mean faces at the girl. Then in the bathroom, the teacher asked the girls involved if my daughter was was twirling the girl into the wall and they both said yes, whereas my daughter should have said no. Yes, she was twirling her around, but not into the wall. I also found out that my daughter had been busy that day, cutting up. Her teacher said she had to say something to her several times. The way I see it, her sitting with the boys in the back (where she doesn't have anyone to talk to) is punishment for her acting up. Maybe she'll start listening and doing what she's supposed to.

My daughter, a bully?

My daughter's self esteem has suffered a huge hit since my husband has been incarcerated. I believe it's due in part to his absence, but also me being hard on her. I used to demand excellence and for her to be the best. I have since recognized the damage I've caused and each day try to rebuild her weakened esteem. As a result of her difficulties, she's been prey to bullies. Most of the time it's because she wants to be everyone's friend and doesn't feel good enough about herself to stand up for herself. It breaks my heart to think of another child mistreating my daughter. It's even more difficult knowing that if she only felt better about herself, she wouldn't stand for the mistreatment.

So image my surprise when I received an email from her teacher saying that she received an email from another parent about some bullying on the playground. She was told by this parent that my daughter has been bullying her child on the playground. That my daughter has been picking at this child and making her feel very uncomfortable. Her teacher went on to say that she talked with both children, and the other child was clearly very upset and in tears.

Then yesterday, the teacher moved my daughter's seat to the back of the room, because she was making faces at that same child. She said she spoke to my daughter about that as well.  Then, after lunch, she was in the bathroom with her arms wrapped around another student and twirling her into the wall. Again, she said she spoke to my daughter and decided I needed to email you. Then she asked if I have you been noticing anything like this at home?

Lord forgive me, buy my first thought was "Yes, no one is going to push her around anymore or pick on her!". As I began to think about it more, I began to hope that the cycle wasn't continuing and the bullied had not become the bully.

As soon as I got home that evening, my daughter spilled the beans. We spoke at length regarding the events that had  transpired. I did not think she would or could intentionally bully another child, as she’s felt the pain of being bullied. But I put aside my personal feelings in order to objectively figure out what happened.

There were definitely some inconsistencies between her teacher's depiction of what happened and what my daughter told me. Her teacher said she was picking on another girl, making her feel uncomfortable. This implies that this has been an ongoing occurrence, yet according to my daughter, there was one situation that occurred the previous week. I was curious to know how long my daughter had reportedly been picking on the girl. Also, what had my daughter supposedly done to the girl?

According to my daughter, last Monday some of the girls were doing a gospel dance on the playground. The girl said it was against her religion, so she couldn't participate. She wanted to play a game, while my daughter wanted to continue dancing, resulting in a difference between what the girls wanted to do. The girl then ran off, upset. My daughter said she went over to her and asked if she was OK and said they could play her game. That's not bullying. I wish teacher's didn't use labels which can harm a child’s reputation and follow them throughout their school years. Coincidentally (or perhaps not) the school's Bullying Policy defines bullying as a repeated behavior that intentionally hurts another person. By this definition, my child wasn't bullying the girl. Bullies aren’t concerned with their victims feelings and don’t try to compromise and keep the peace. This also was not an ongoing occurrence.

It occurred to me that the incidents that happened yesterday in the classroom and the bathroom were viewed by a teacher feeling like a student was a bully. While my daughter was totally out of line for crossing her eyes at the girl (especially during instruction time, which is a huge no-no), she was being silly and inappropriate, not menacing or threatening. Therefore, moving her to the back of the classroom was extreme.

The second incident in the bathroom was nothing more than my daughter hugging her friend, and twirling her around. In her email, my daughter's teacher suggested that my daughter banged the girl into the wall. Conversely, my daughter said there were other girls in the bathroom that were banging on the wall. Did her teacher see her twirling the girl into the wall? Did the girl appear hurt or upset by my daughter’s actions?  I felt that she was being painted a physical menace, when this depiction is far from who she is and is more in line with her being characterized as a bully.

At this point, I have so many questions and am in need of some answers. I decided not to respond to the teach via email, and instead meet with her in person. Wish me luck and stay tuned for what happens at our conference.

The start of the holiday season

Thanksgiving was good. We ate dinner at home, then went and spent some time with my husband's cousins and had dessert. I love being around family, especially during the holidays, which makes this time of the year very difficult.

I wish my husband was here to celebrate with us. Since he's been incarcerated, the holidays are difficult. This year is even more difficult because we won't be able to spend any time with him during the holiday season. Actually, it is the first time in the 13 years that we've been together as a couple that we won't be together during the holidays.

About six months ago he was moved to an institution that's nearly 1100 miles away. The chances of us seeing him anytime soon are slim, as it's too far to drive, and too expensive for us all to fly. Prior to his move, he was a 30 minute drive away. We saw him every Friday evening, and every other Sunday after church. It's been quite an adjustment since his move. It helps to be able to talk to him and correspond via email, but I really miss being able to see him and touch him. I pray that there's some good that will come out of all of this. I can't see it now, but I trust that God is working things out for our good.

It's All on Me ...

It's up to me to hold things down - the house, the cars, our children, everything. By the grace of God, I'm doing it, but it's difficult some days. Take last Friday. I woke up and was on my way to the kitchen. The rug in the hallway felt like someone had dropped a gallon of water. I asked my mom if she'd spilled something and her response was no, that she thought there must be a leak somewhere. The first place I thought of was the roof. But it hadn't rained in weeks and the ceiling was intact. After walking around and looking for the cause, I realized it was the refrigerator. We laid down towels and I had my first to-dos of the day - find a refrigerator repair person and figure out how to dry the carpet.

The rest of the morning proceeded as usual, until I was driving my daughter to school. My car was making a strange noise. After some traffic maneuvering, I pulled into a gas station parking lot and realized that I had a nail in my tire. It was in the side of the tire and unrepairable. I called AAA and was told the wait would be 45 minutes before someone could come out and put on the spare tire. In the meantime, it was a little after 8 AM and I had to find a way to get my daughter to school. I called a fellow PTA officer who gladly met us and took her to school. Thank God for kind people! I waited so long for AAA that a stranger even asked if I needed his help putting on the spare. That morning I realized that there are still nice people in this world.

I also had to decide that I wasn't going to throw a pity party for one. Stuff happens, and that day it was happening to me. Instead of asking "Why me?", I recognized the test for what it was. An opportunity to trust God, knowing that everything was going to work together for my good. Although I got to work later than I planned to, I made it in and my daughter was in school. I decided to focus my energies on finding a repair person and figuring out how to dry the carpet. What a day!